Progress. Not perfection.

This past Spring I found myself cleaning my house like I never had before. Sure, it was time for a good Spring deep clean, but this had something else behind it. Something more. Passover was set to arrive in the coming days and as each holiday on the Hebrew calendar has arrived this past year (the year 5783,that is!), I would learn and try out a few things. Passover meant making sure that my house and meal plan was free from chametz, or anything that contained "...wheat, barley, rye, oats, and spelt, that has leavened" (A guide to eating on passover). I got rid of the stale half-eaten bags of pasta shoved in the back of the cupboard, sanitized every surface, and vacuumed every couch cushion crevice, all in search of forbidden crumbs. Once the house was a chametz-free zone, I bought my groceries for the week and prepped all of my meals. I was so pleased with my efforts! I was finally ready for the start of Passover! The first morning I was looking forward to having eggs and veggies for breakfast. I got all of my ingredients out and when I went to put the pan on the stove top, I saw it. The toaster. You know, the one I had meant to banish to the basement, a neighbour's house, or some other thing that would keep its chametz ways far away from me? Yeah, that toaster.

I know there is a proper way to deal with chametz for Passover, but not being Jewish I did not see it as an option. Besides, it was too late. I was crushed. I had put in so much fore-thought and effort into having a perfect Passover, only for it to be wrecked by a tiny, stainless steel kitchen appliance. The pan was getting hot on the stove, I felt hungry, and I had a choice to make. Was Passover ruined? Perhaps having a "perfect" Passover was no longer an option, but did that matter? To me, decidedly, no. Passover was not ruined. I ate my breakfast and I still felt proud that I had put in so much effort into trying. Passover had truly helped me work through something that held me in bondage; perfectionism. I'd like to think that G-d isn't going to be mad at me (or anyone) for imperfection, so long as I have tried my best.

I was reminded of this sentiment again more recently, on Yom Kippur. I did not request the day off of work (I'm not yet Jewish and wasn't sure that it would be appropriate), but had planned on taking part by fasting for the entire duration. A couple of days before, I fell ill with a really bad cold. The eve of Yom Kippur had arrived, and I was so sick I knew thaat it would not serve me well to fast. I realize that Yom Kippur is not meant to "serve me well", but I also realized that I needed to take care of myself. I felt guilty for not following through on the plans I had made for G-d. That is, until I saw the toaster on the counter.

A guide to eating on passover. Reform Judaism. (n.d.). https://reformjudaism.org/jewish-holidays/passover/guide-eating-passover